Monday, September 21, 2009

Mean Girls

Okay, I'm a girl and I know how things in the girlie world work. A lot of days, life in that world is dreamy and wonderful and others, its down right cruel. But does it really need to start in PRE-SCHOOL? C'mon now!

I'm only able to get bits and pieces of O's day out of her. I found out today that she learned about "not cutting in line." Okay, I'd prefer she come home and announce that she can now read a book or something, but no cutting is a vital social skill to acquire (unless of course, you live in China... but that's a different blog for a different time) so I can live with that.

But as Olivia and I were driving by ourselves home from a friends' house last Friday night some crucial pre-school drama leaked out and I just wanted to cry (and then march right over to O's playground and kick some three year old arse.)

O has been talking about a girl named Rain since day one. And then a girl named Nanaya entered the picture. It sounds like the three of them spend significant time together doing whatever 3, 4 and 5 year olds do at pre-school. But on Friday, Olivia informed me that Rain said she didn't want to play with her. So, naturally I tried to get the details. What was I smokin? Girl is on lock down with any kind of school details, unless she volunteers them first herself. Finally, I asked her if she *asked* them if she could play with them rather than just joining in. She said, "No, I just played with them." I told her that sometimes people like to be asked and maybe she should try that.

O has a tendency to latch on to people and dare I say *smother* them. So I also let her know that sometimes people need a break and maybe she could find some other friends. "But I don't need a break." Gulp. I really had to fight the tears. So I went through the long list of friends that she's had for a quite a while that love to play with her. And then I finally added, "If I was a girl in your class, I'd play with you all the time because I think you are super fun." She broke out in a wide grin. And that seemed to satisfy. Oh, if only that would last a lifetime. But I'm pretty confidant that answer will not heal the wound when she's 13.

Today when I picked her up she said that Rain and Nanaya played with her today but Nanaya told her they won't be her friends tomorrow and won't play with her then. We had a long talk about the kind of friend to look for and how she needs to let Nanaya know that what she says is not kind and it hurts her feelings. And then she needs to go and make new friends. "But those are the friends I want."

Oh, girlfriend! It's gonna be a long life on the playground. And I just don't know how to navigate this one. I didn't think I'd be having "How to pick good friends" talks at age 3. But I guess you can never start too young. I never knew that being a mommy would be so excruciatingly painful and glorious all at the same time. Sigh. Wish me luck, its gonna be a long 18 years!


Liza DeGarmo said...

Oh friend,
we faced that at CSU this summer. I was so thankful that those little girls had moms who care about their daughters' characters, and that Isabella was trying to be the peacemaker, but it was still so hard to hear...and now to have only 8 girls in her class in kindergarten.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like a flash back to my elementary years...oh the fun of being a girl!