Sunday, June 21, 2009

A sore subject

After many long discussions and some gentle prodding on my part, Steve and I went to talk with a urologist this week about "the operation." Yeah, it was about as awkward as you would guess and after some begging and pleading, Steve agreed that I could blog about our appointment and his upcoming "neutering" as he keeps calling it. I'm trying to convince him he's not becoming a eunuch, he's just getting a vasectomy, but I guess guys are kinda touchy about this stuff.

Since we were the only people in the waiting room under the age of 65, we were curious to meet this doctor. Once we got in the examining room, the nurse handed us this brochure and Steve immediately said, "You're gonna blog about this, aren't you?" Because, as you will see, the cover on the left ensures me that life after the vasectomy is a walk on the beach. Apparently your $600 bucks also includes a weekend in Wildwood, NJ!

As the Dr. made his entrance (who by the way is CLEARLY a guy straight out of a sitcom, because if Ray Ramono was ever going to get the "big V" he would most certainly go to THIS guy!) his opening line was, "I'll answer your first two questions right away. First, YES! I've had a vasectomy and second, NO! I didn't perform it on myself." (insert canned laughter here.)

After having all of our questions answered, Steve found out that we could schedule it for as early as next week. And as we were interacting with the receptionist his eyes got as big as saucers. "Next week? Umm.. don't you have to check in with my family doctor or something?" She got a slight smile "No, sir, we just inform him once it's over." My deflated husband, "Oh, I see."

While I totally understand there's lots of stuff swirling around for a man regarding this procedure, it is a bit hard to have too much sympathy for a man who has to endure 10 MINUTES of a procedure after having gone through 20 hours of labor- T.W.I.C.E! Oh and I may have failed to mention that with Olivia, our first, I had hemorrhoids the size of a small mountain and 2 weeks before her due date I had to have BUTT SURGERY. (I tell you, a proctologist is every bit as out there as a urologist, if you ask me!) Oh and the stories I could tell about my first go around with nursing would send even the bravest grown man running screaming and crying like a little girl.

According to the same brochure, apparently THIS is the treatment a man will receive during HIS recovery from his 10 minute little deal. Oh how I wish I could have reclined in a lazy boy while "people" *ackhem* my spouse, brought me finely chopped apples and fluffed my pillow. But to "avoid complications" from my butt surgery, I'm pretty sure I did laundry and cooked dinner.

Don't get me wrong. I have an incredibly servant hearted husband who is loving enough to go through with a neutering (especially when he found out that one surgery equals the price of one year of the pill).

So If you don't hear from me sometime in the not so distant future, don't worry, I'm just probably chopping apples. Oooops, sorry, I'm not suppose to say chop around here.

Happy Father's day, everyone!


eva said...

i love that steve let you blog about this. :) you're a funny writer!

wren handmade said...

Oh my, this post takes the cake!

jenny said...

Oh, I am laughing out loud at the apple slices being served to the recovering husband. Those brochure pictures are too much! Hope the procedure goes okay. I may have told you this already (can't remember if you and I talked about it or not), but it really was a pretty easy procedure at least in our household. Although, I failed to chop up apples for him while he was recovering! :)

Colleen said...

Very blogworthy post! Well done....had me laughing out loud! I can't believe those brochures are being passed out! Is there a date on them? I'm guessing 1978.

Mommin' It Up! said...

that might be the funniest thing I've ever read!! love the pics. hysterical!

Amanda said...

you forgot to add the part where he has to put a bag of frozen peas on his "you know what" hee hee. we just went through this about 6 months ago- hubs milked it for a while but I was onto him ;-)

Tiffany @ Lattes And Life said...

Hahahahaha! Love it. My hubby is gearing up to make his own appointment. He better not come home with one of those brochures!

Susie said...

ow. for both of you.

onceawookie said...

Oh man, my wife is giving me the same pressure. She's tossed in the old "i gave birth" ploy along with how bad birth control pills are. I fought back with "when does menopause start?". That didn't help my cause. What you have to remember is that the big V is like putting a cork on the end of a 35 year old hose, with the water still run'n. Something might give.
Have fun.

betseykerr said...

...and such a lovely post for FATHER"S DAY!!!!!!!!!! Most appropriate!