Monday, August 31, 2009

A view from the ain't pretty!

Steve and I had our bi-annual fight (that means twice a year, right not every other year?! Cuz I mean the one that happens twice a year) yesterday. It occurs when we sit down to take a bird's eye view of our calendar. Kind of look at what the next few months hold. It was not pretty.

Because our job requires us to still live by semesters (even though we are in our late thirties) we usually evaluate based on that. Even with the addition of a third child, I feel like I've been able to keep my head above water, until we looked at the calender. Pretty much, I am not a planner. Okay, maybe that's not true. I'm not exactly sure what I am. I like my schedule and my routine but I also don't like to feel pinned down or have every minute scheduled. I like the possibility of being spontaneous without actually having to live by the seat of my pants. I guess that makes living with me rather difficult. Hey, what can I say? I'm a complex creature. You'll have to take that one up with God.

So when we looked at the next two months and found that nearly every weekend has something we have to be at (even fun stuff) or Steve is away or there are dance classes for O or school starts 5 days a week, I began to suffocate. And that tends to spiral into a pity party and when that happens, pretty much Steve gets the blame. He really does get the shaft in this whole thing. Because he's a great dad and a great husband and it's not HIS fault that work actually gets him outside of the house while I feel like I'm in "kid prison."

I'm sure no other family runs into this, but the Sunday night fight happens when we both don't feel like we get enough "me" time. I feel like I'm "stuck" here all day and yet don't feel the freedom to take off in the evening. If I want to go to a doctor's appointment or to the store I get an automatic entourage of 3. Weekends we value family stuff along with all the "chores" that need to get done. We don't want to just divide and conquer. But we don't find ourselves doing much to fill our personal tanks either.

Steve on the other hand does get out each day, but as he reminded me last night, he's WORKING. It's not like he's in a men's softball league 4 nights a week out playing poker with the fellas all the time. A little guy time would be great for him and probably for our family as a whole.

So we fight. We apologize. We try to revamp our schedule. We try to do better next time. I realize we are in a "season." This too shall pass. I don't want to wish away these little kid days when they actually like us and WANT to be with us. I realize it passes all too quickly. For now I'll just keep plugging away at the day to day and hope that next "semester" the fight is a little less loud, a bit shorter and gets more quickly resolved! Until then, I'm open to any suggestions and input on how your family does it.


jenny from mommin' it up! said...

I feel like that alot since Bobby works so much. It is hard to remember sometimes that he is WORKING, not out playing golf (or worse, at a bar or some seedy joint). I have to check my attitude more than I'd like to admit. Next time I am feeling sorry for myself I will call you and you can tell me to snap out of it. And the next time you have an appointment, call me and let me watch your kids for goodness' sake. I only have the one during the day now, you know. It's practically a luxury lounge over here!

Susie said...

um.... same as you. we fight, suffocate, breathe, survive, resolve to do better next year, and then don't :) Let me know when you figure it out!

Cortney @ said...

Girl, that is usually why J and I will fight and I pretty much could have written that post myself. I with Jenny, let me watch the kids some time. I will have Jenny come over and we can double team the herd : ), but at least I have a basement that is kid friendly that we can throw them in : ). Love your honesty! You are an encouragement to me!

emme said...

we've all been's such a hard season of kid prison. sometimes it's so hard to believe that this season will actually end someday.