Sorry I didn't post yesterday after my appointment. I just didn't have it in me. Not because the appointment was bad, per say, but more because it sucked all the resources that I have out of me.
Let's just say reality smacked me in the face yesterday afternoon.
I am not even sure how to summarize things here. Basically, I still don't have a start date for chemo (it's a little complicated.) I'll either start at the end of next week or the beginning of the following week. It depends on a few factors that will be decided early next week.
I don't think I'll get too technical on here, because really, unless you're me or near family, you probably don't care. But I will tell you that I had a few panic attacks in the office. Some because I don't have any hormones left to deal with life (and they can't give me a patch b/c of the chemo) and some because a lot of this is hard to deal with.
We talked about me losing my hair. I mean, it's not my favorite, but it will grow back. I'm worried sick about my kids. Mainly Olivia. I found out it will mostly fall out shortly after my first round. So, I've got about 3 weeks left. And OF COURSE I decided over the summer to start growing it out. So its the longest its ever been. Ah, vanity. I'm praying and trying to decide when the best time to tell Olivia is. I'm sure I'm projecting stuff on her. Kids are resilient and will surprise you a lot of the time. It's just overwhelming.
They offered a prescription for a wig. I cried again. The thought of a wig is rough for me. But I reserve the right to change my mind.
It's all scary. Overwhelming. But I know it will also help me. I'm trying to be thankful for chemo. I'm trying to be thankful that my kids will *hopefully* grow up being compassionate for people who are sick.
Speaking of sick... O was diagnosed with strep throat at the doctor yesterday. She seems better. Turner started throwing up at 5:00 tonight. Oh, how I'm praying it doesn't sweep this house. He seems like he's rallying... pray he will.
Steve's mom, bless her heart, went home today. She spent two solid weeks sleeping on our couch (we *need* a bigger house.) I don't know how she did it, but she served us cheerfully the whole time. I am thankful to have in-laws that I love and enjoy. I know she is glad to be back with my father-in-law and sleeping in her own bed. I was overwhelmed yesterday, thinking of her leaving, wondering how we'll get along. It's been tiring today, but we're making it. Tons of people have asked to help, and now it's time to take them up on it.
For someone who didn't know what to say, I managed to use a lot of words. Pray for me. Pray for us. We could use it. I have waves of panic. And then waves of trust in the Lord. I guess that's life, huh?