Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Details big and smalll

I've been trying to think of something to post about other than my health. Because honestly, I feel like a 75 year old woman who can only talk about how I'm feeling and what medications I'm on and how I'm pooping. Yawner.

But alas, I'm consumed with my situation. I've been fighting it. Because I realized the other day that for the past three weeks I walk around thinking and feeling like I'm dying from cancer. Although at this point, no one has told me that. In fact, so far, most news (other than the fact that I had cancerous tumors growing in my body) has been optimistic. But I am (I mean was) a pessimist. Because God is working on changing that.

I can't really explain the breakthrough in my thinking that I had on Sunday. But basically, God exposed the fact that I'm relying on circumstances. I'm trusting that *everything* will be ok. And by *everything* I mean my circumstances. And if everything could just be ok, then He's good and trustworthy. But I realized that I need to trust in Him NO MATTER WHAT the circumstances.

I waver to believe Truth. But Truth is beginning to peak through.

On more practical news, there are a few *life* things on our plate.

First, Olivia's 5th birthday is on the 19th. We're trying to decide if we should go ahead with the Build-A-Bear Workshop birthday party she wants, or offer her to choose an American Girl Doll instead. Oh the decisions of a parent!

And on another front, a friend made a suggestion that makes a lot of sense. She suggested getting a "nanny" for the next several months. Someone to hire to come in for 5-7 hours a day during the week so that Steve can get to work and so I can spend my energy on being with the kids but not running around getting milk and wiping butts. I have someone in mind and am praying she says yes. The barrier right now is financial. Praying that maybe some of you, who have offered to help, would perhaps pray and consider contributing to a "nanny fund" instead. I figure it would cost us about $1,000 a month to make it worth her time. Go to the Caring for E website for future details to see how you can contribute.

Oh, one more thing, on that website, we've extended the meals for another month... just to get through this first round of chemo to see how it goes.

I have a CT scan and blood work this afternoon at 2pm. Prayers welcome!


jenny from mommin' it up said...

We are also all consumed with your situation! So keep writing about whatever you need to write about! Praying for your tests today, and that you will keep believing truth and not defining it by circumstances. I am so thankful we have a God who knows and cares about the desires of our hearts!! THANK YOU for sharing all your struggles with us. I love the nanny idea and I'm praying for that too!!

vwiller said...

I love the nanny idea too...I too am praying for you to receive the help you need to do it!! I am completely obsessed with knowing every detail of what is going on so please do not stop posting all of the poop stuff!! We also have a 5th birthday (Thursday) though he has decided that he wants a chocolate torte with raspberry sauce for a cake, and cookies for his class. Party was this past weekend in combination with his brothers. Not sure on a gift yet! Last year we got him a Vtech camera that he loves still.

Will be looking for the update from today's appointment. Once the weather breaks I am coming to visit! And I will bring lots of cookies and muffins!!

Lori Gauthier said...

I am Maria's cousin and was reading about you on her blog and connected over to yours to check on you...I am praying for you and believing through God he will give you the strength you need no matter the outcome!!!!

Karen said...

thanks for letting us know your needs. and your feelings. Love you, friend.

Anonymous said...

I have been reading and have your blog bookmarked to check daily, sometimes several times a day looking for updates. I don't know you, but I know that you and others like you are helping to educate women about symptoms to look for, what to expect, etc. - So I wouldn't worry about talking about anything other than your health situation - it is your blog - talk about what you want, when you want to. Many are praying for you and your are an inspiration to others -whether you feel like it or not. You are being strong whether you realize it or not and the Lord has you wrapped in the warmth of his love. God Bless. I prayed at 2 during your appointment and hope to see an update soon. Blessings.

Jennifer said...

Keep fighting.

cindy q said...

E, thanks for keeping us informed. I go to your blog several times a day and we're praying for you. Just thought you should know, but I went twice to the Caring for E webpage and it had an error. Is something wrong with the site? Love you, Cindy

Joy Schultheis said...

It is encouraging how the Lord is showing you and teaching you how to trust Him at a whole new level. Thanks for sharing and being real. Will continue to pray for you guys.

Anonymous said...

E-praying for you! I am so impressed how you are walking forward by faith and taking God at His word in this ordeal. Every time I read your blog my eyes are lifted to Jesus through your honesty and fight of faith. Love you girl and so thankful for your perseverance! Trusting Jesus to guard your heart and mind in HIM! Julia Hageman