I've been trying to think of something to post about other than my health. Because honestly, I feel like a 75 year old woman who can only talk about how I'm feeling and what medications I'm on and how I'm pooping. Yawner.
But alas, I'm consumed with my situation. I've been fighting it. Because I realized the other day that for the past three weeks I walk around thinking and feeling like I'm dying from cancer. Although at this point, no one has told me that. In fact, so far, most news (other than the fact that I had cancerous tumors growing in my body) has been optimistic. But I am (I mean was) a pessimist. Because God is working on changing that.
I can't really explain the breakthrough in my thinking that I had on Sunday. But basically, God exposed the fact that I'm relying on circumstances. I'm trusting that *everything* will be ok. And by *everything* I mean my circumstances. And if everything could just be ok, then He's good and trustworthy. But I realized that I need to trust in Him NO MATTER WHAT the circumstances.
I waver to believe Truth. But Truth is beginning to peak through.
On more practical news, there are a few *life* things on our plate.
First, Olivia's 5th birthday is on the 19th. We're trying to decide if we should go ahead with the Build-A-Bear Workshop birthday party she wants, or offer her to choose an American Girl Doll instead. Oh the decisions of a parent!
And on another front, a friend made a suggestion that makes a lot of sense. She suggested getting a "nanny" for the next several months. Someone to hire to come in for 5-7 hours a day during the week so that Steve can get to work and so I can spend my energy on being with the kids but not running around getting milk and wiping butts. I have someone in mind and am praying she says yes. The barrier right now is financial. Praying that maybe some of you, who have offered to help, would perhaps pray and consider contributing to a "nanny fund" instead. I figure it would cost us about $1,000 a month to make it worth her time. Go to the Caring for E website for future details to see how you can contribute.
Oh, one more thing, on that website, we've extended the meals for another month... just to get through this first round of chemo to see how it goes.
I have a CT scan and blood work this afternoon at 2pm. Prayers welcome!