Had a bit of a rough night last night. I got home and started having abdominal cramping. And sorry, this is the real deal, diarrhea all night. Then this metal taste came on and with that I couldn't tell if I was getting nauseous (you know that taste right before you throw up? Yep, that's what I get all the time with this new medicine.) I took medicine for nausea and feel better. I just need to stay on top of it. I am tired this morning... I'm sure there are lots of contributing factors.
I've been a bit overwhelmed this morning. I'm trying to focus on Jesus and stay positive. But this road feels pretty long this morning. And then I've been feeling fearful again. Like, what if I walk this hard road and the cancer doesn't get cured? Please pray for me to trust Jesus, no matter what the circumstances. If I'm barfing, achy, pooping, not pooping, bald, tired, feeling good, nearing the end, cured or not. I get overwhelmed trying to *get it right* with God too. Like if I could just get it right (whatever that means) He would let me bypass this journey.
None of that is going to happen. So I have to figure out how to love God and trust Him without trying to be religious about it. There is no formula. Its just a matter of getting near my friend and letting Him take over. This is so dang hard. Harder than I thought. And I've been a full time Christian worker for 15 years. Ha!
It sounds like my symptoms will morph and change and I get a slight break until Monday where I have one more treatment in this round. Then I'm off for nearly 2 weeks. Then it starts again. I'll be nervous for day 2 again, but at least I'll know a bit more what to expect. Pray for minimal side effects (and if not that I'd be able to handle whatever comes my way) and pray that I would not allow the what if's to taint today! Thanks