Wednesday, February 23, 2011

In it

Had a bit of a rough night last night. I got home and started having abdominal cramping. And sorry, this is the real deal, diarrhea all night. Then this metal taste came on and with that I couldn't tell if I was getting nauseous (you know that taste right before you throw up? Yep, that's what I get all the time with this new medicine.) I took medicine for nausea and feel better. I just need to stay on top of it. I am tired this morning... I'm sure there are lots of contributing factors.

I've been a bit overwhelmed this morning. I'm trying to focus on Jesus and stay positive. But this road feels pretty long this morning. And then I've been feeling fearful again. Like, what if I walk this hard road and the cancer doesn't get cured? Please pray for me to trust Jesus, no matter what the circumstances. If I'm barfing, achy, pooping, not pooping, bald, tired, feeling good, nearing the end, cured or not. I get overwhelmed trying to *get it right* with God too. Like if I could just get it right (whatever that means) He would let me bypass this journey.

None of that is going to happen. So I have to figure out how to love God and trust Him without trying to be religious about it. There is no formula. Its just a matter of getting near my friend and letting Him take over. This is so dang hard. Harder than I thought. And I've been a full time Christian worker for 15 years. Ha!

It sounds like my symptoms will morph and change and I get a slight break until Monday where I have one more treatment in this round. Then I'm off for nearly 2 weeks. Then it starts again. I'll be nervous for day 2 again, but at least I'll know a bit more what to expect. Pray for minimal side effects (and if not that I'd be able to handle whatever comes my way) and pray that I would not allow the what if's to taint today! Thanks

16 comments:

vwiller said...

We are all here to support you in any way that you need and we can provide.

Anonymous said...

Hang in there! Lots of folks are praying with you!

Michele Braceros

Jeni said...

Praying for you every day! I hope tonight goes better.

Anonymous said...

I really admire your transparency through this so far! Don't know if you remember me, but I've admired you and your faith since and thought of you often since college. I've been praying for and thinking of you every day since I heard the news.

We never know what God's plan is but His plan in this could very well be you bring others even closer to Him in all seasons of life.

Carrie (Whitacre) Fulton

cindy q said...

praying for Great sleep tonight! Ps 127... for God gives rest to his loved ones.

Lisa Jackson said...

Focus on the graces of today...praise the Lord you havent been throwing up all day and that the nausea medicine is working for you! That is HUGE!! Just like you even said the other night, none of us know how long we will be here so we should all be faithful with this day that God has given us...this moment right now and this day is what God has given all of us. And don't forget, there are no "what ifs" with God so there is really no use spending all that extra energy worrying about it!! :) You need that energy to take care of yourself, your kids, Steve, etc.And I am so proud of you for venturing into the unknown and enduring these first 2 chemo treatments!! Let me know when you are craving a smoothie and I will bring you (and probably myself) one!! Love ya!!

Michele said...

Elizabeth, I saw your blog through Jessica Bryan's and wanted to show you some love & support. I read on your other blog where people can sign up for stuff that you are interested in trying to fight the cancer with diet. I could not be a bigger supporter of that. I am a critical care/ICU nurse so I live in the medical treatment world, but fully support the natural treatment world way more so! I have been vegan for 3 years and during that time have watched numerous shows/documentaries about people healing cancer through diet. Ive read many books on natural healing and was also raised that way. Some poeple go away to a treatment facility after they were told the cancer has spread everywhere in their body and they have 6 weeks to live, and they go to this treatment place and are cured completely by juicing juice and eating vegan.
Be Encouraged!! : My parent's best friend had cancer and after 3 years of chemotherapy and her doctor referring her to hospice, she went to a natural doctor, went on a strict vegan diet and has been cancer free ever since!
You CAN and will do this! There's not a doubt in my mind! If you need ideas, recipes, anything, please let me know or visit my blog at
http://www.michelezader.blogspot.com
I live in NOrth Carolina or I would make you all the vegan food in the world and bring it over!
Praying for you and sending encouragement!

In Christ,
Michele

Anonymous said...

I pray for you everyday. Thank you for keeping the blog up so we know how you are doing. I like your description with Jesus and the chemo.

Connie said...

I love your real-ness. Quite sure there's no "right" way to do this, other than to cling on to Jesus, and it sounds like you're doing that well. Praying for you!!

Joyce said...

keeping you in my prayers today

H in Berlin said...

Psalms 46:1-3
God is our refuge and strength, a ever present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains tremble at its swelling.

Elizabeth, this is Gods promise to you: he is an EVER PRESENT help in times of trouble. I can't imagine not being afraid when the earth crumbles, or mountains move, or the sea roars- but that is the hugeness of this promise. In all circumstances, he is faithful, YOUR refuge and strength. This is how I prayed for you today, as you cling to him in all circumstances. I also prayed for the chemo to work with power, to continue to heal you, and for much joy in little moments with your husband and children, even in the midst of the fight in your body. Your Savior is ever present!

Andrea @ Savings Lifestyle said...

Continuing my prayers for you, E!!

Karen said...

hard, hard.... it is just hard. You are doing amazingly! one tiny step at a time. But, it's so hard to be reduced to just living and not producing. My dear friend... crowns are amassing for you in heaven! This suffering WILL be redeemed in some God-only-knows-how special way!

Sadee said...

Praying for you!!

Julie said...

You are one strong woman! God will be faithful to meet you where you are as you strive to trust Him. I'll be praying!

Anonymous said...

Elizabeth,

You don't know me, but my name is Sheila Smith. I received an e-mail to pray for you. I will begin doing this. I want you to know that I am a recent survivor of lung cancer. I never smoked. Last April I had my left lung removed, went through chemo, and radiation. I know what you are going through with chemo. I was very sick as well. I also know about everything you are feeling because I went through it as well. I would love to talk with you, encourage you, walk along side you through this. Please contact me if you can. My e-mail is sheilaandjim7@att.net. I will provide you with my phone number. Please know that Jesus has already gone through this cancer before you and He has you right where you are supposed to be right now. He will love, grow you, strengthen you. He will receive all the glory in this. Psalm 91 strengthened me.