Welcome to my 500th post. Who knew? When I started this thing, Turner was a baby, Quinn was a hope and a dream and cancer was something *other people got.* Now, my mom has passed, Quinn is a thriving 3 year old Koproski and Olivia turns five in 16 days (oh crap, I better get on planning that party!)
I hate that on the 500th post I have to ask you to pray that I will stop freaking out. This afternoon at 1:45 I have my appointment with Dr. Reid. I think today I will find out what all is going on for sure and I think I'll learn what the plan is from here on out. When my first chemo will be (I'm assuming it will be really soon) and get to ask some questions that have begun to spring into my head.
I am a touch looking forward to the appointment. Only because I want to get this show on the road. If I've got to do it, I've got to do it.
Ironically, Steve is at the doctor's office with Olivia right now. This is the fourth day that she's had a fever. Now she is complaining of a sore throat. When I was trying to get her dressed and told her daddy was taking her to the doctor she started crying hysterically (that's a first. None of my kids have ever minded going to the doctor until today.) She wanted to know if she was getting a shot? I told her I didn't think so, but the doctor would do whatever it takes to make her better.
She started yelling that she didn't want medicine because she doesn't like spicy things. I could totally relate. I had trouble being patient and really had to pray that God would give me the ability to be patient, kind and loving to her. I hate that she has to go to the doctor. I hate that she has to do something that she doesn't want to do. I wish she felt better.
At the same time I wanted to scream in her face, "Oh yeah, well at least you don't have to take chemo." Which I didn't do. Because that *might* be considered child abuse. But I could have compassion. Because guess what? I don't want to go to the doctor today either. I don't want to take medicine. I don't want to get a shot.
Of course, I didn't miss the spiritual parallel. God hates that I have to go to the doctor, he hates that I have to do something I don't want to do. He wants me to feel better. But honestly, in that moment, I wasn't wowed by the spiritual parallel. I, like Olivia, just don't want to do this.
I prayed for her (which might have secretly been a prayer for me too.) Asking that she would have courage and bravery and that Jesus would be close to her while she was at the doctor. I also prayed and thanked God that he has gifted doctors with wisdom and knowledge on how to heal. But of course, it is God who does the healing.
So there you have it. Pray for me at 1:45 today. I'll try and give an update of what we find out later today or maybe tomorrow. In the meantime, thanks for your prayers. I'm really relying on them.