Monday, March 28, 2011
Because I obsess
We had a great time visiting my dad. Other than the temperatures (it actually snowed a tiny bit Saturday morning) which left little to be desired, it was nearly perfect. We took him out to dinner, where I decided BBQ ribs sounded amazing to me. And they were. The kids were pretty well behaved. My dad loved his meal and felt celebrated. I was worried about him. Although he just turned 75, it stinks to be alone on your birthday. And even when my mom was sick, she always tried to make sure he got a card with money in it so he could go out and get himself dinner when she wasn't well enough to go too. So this year, being his first official year by himself, I'm so glad it worked out for us to be with him. And now, on with the week. I'm feeling really good. Which of course, scares me. I'm fighting really hard the tendancy I have to either 1). Look for what might get in my way of feeling good or having a good week or 2.) Start thinking ahead to the next rough week of chemo, therefore, sabatoging my good week. (Because that's just the kind of crazy I am.) I've been doing pretty well on that front. But the desire rushes in all too quick. Then there's the appointment with the Dr. on Thursday where I'll probably get the results of the CT scan and the blood work. Last round, I just didn't know what to expect and had the pleasant suprise of good numbers. Now, I guess this is where the REAL journey begins. The REAL walk of faith. The REAL trusting of God. Will the numbers keep climbing down? Will the CT scan remain clear? Can I live today without obsessing about Thursday (or tomorrow for that matter.) So far, I've done pretty well - today, with God's help. I went to the Y, walked on the tread mill, went grocery shopping, enjoyed my kids and am having people over tonight. You can pray for me. To beat this thing. Of course I mean the cancer, but even more importantly, even more crucial to my LIFE is my mind. My lack of trust. My idolatry. So, here I go to put dinner in the oven, tidy up the house and LIVE my evening. I hope you do too!