Monday, March 28, 2011

Because I obsess

We had a great time visiting my dad. Other than the temperatures (it actually snowed a tiny bit Saturday morning) which left little to be desired, it was nearly perfect. We took him out to dinner, where I decided BBQ ribs sounded amazing to me. And they were. The kids were pretty well behaved. My dad loved his meal and felt celebrated. I was worried about him. Although he just turned 75, it stinks to be alone on your birthday. And even when my mom was sick, she always tried to make sure he got a card with money in it so he could go out and get himself dinner when she wasn't well enough to go too. So this year, being his first official year by himself, I'm so glad it worked out for us to be with him. And now, on with the week. I'm feeling really good. Which of course, scares me. I'm fighting really hard the tendancy I have to either 1). Look for what might get in my way of feeling good or having a good week or 2.) Start thinking ahead to the next rough week of chemo, therefore, sabatoging my good week. (Because that's just the kind of crazy I am.) I've been doing pretty well on that front. But the desire rushes in all too quick. Then there's the appointment with the Dr. on Thursday where I'll probably get the results of the CT scan and the blood work. Last round, I just didn't know what to expect and had the pleasant suprise of good numbers. Now, I guess this is where the REAL journey begins. The REAL walk of faith. The REAL trusting of God. Will the numbers keep climbing down? Will the CT scan remain clear? Can I live today without obsessing about Thursday (or tomorrow for that matter.) So far, I've done pretty well - today, with God's help. I went to the Y, walked on the tread mill, went grocery shopping, enjoyed my kids and am having people over tonight. You can pray for me. To beat this thing. Of course I mean the cancer, but even more importantly, even more crucial to my LIFE is my mind. My lack of trust. My idolatry. So, here I go to put dinner in the oven, tidy up the house and LIVE my evening. I hope you do too!


kristen said...

E - the lack of trust comment really hit me hard, because that is something that I personally struggled with during my own cancer battle this past year. You are truly inspiring, especially to me - who has been through what you are currently facing...and I get SO much power and faith from you. You have no idea what kind of impact you are having on others around you. I want you to keep strong (as hard and "sucky" as that can be...) and keep your faith in God's hands. He will help you through the fire - even when it feels like He's not by your side.
Love you my friend -
Your "Cancer Sister" Kristen

Stacie@HobbitDoor said...

What a great reminder to not worry about tomorrow and live in the moment--for today. I'm not currently fighting any thing scary like cancer and struggle with that very thing. Praying for you.