Butterflies in my stomach

I had dinner with my good friend, Sally, last night and as we were chatting and I was unpacking some of my nervousness over Quinn's upcoming surgery, I realized... it is in less than 2 weeks.

For a long time now we've had his lip repair scheduled for Tuesday, November 3rd. And up until last night that was just some far away date. Now it is 13 days away.

Ever since we received Quinn's referral and knew that he had a cleft lip I've been faced with the reality that *someday* we'd make that long drive to a hospital with the intention of repairing his lip. While I know that this is for the good of his future, it is down right scary. While he's under we're going to have them also go ahead and do a circumcision. It's not medically necessary but we talked and prayed about it and it seems like it will remove (ouch, sorry) one more barrier toward him being different. Different from his brother and dad and different from others in his class/sports teams (rock band.. whatever) growing up.

When I think about the pain we are about to put him through for his own good and the betterment of his whole future, it reminds me of the way God works in my life. Some of the painful things it seems He could have spared me from. In my opinion, they don't make sense. But because He is a wise and all-knowing God, He has better plans for my future that may be painful now but will improve the outcome of my life.

A rich spiritual parallel, but it still sucks to be the parent carting your kid off for surgery.

It is difficult for me to imagine what his lip/nose will look like post surgery. There is still a long road ahead for little Quinn. He may never look exactly like someone who wasn't born without a cleft lip. But you know what? It's the cleft lip that God used to bring him into our family. I actually might be a little sad if there wasn't some kind of small reminder of God's grace to our family. I hope that some day Quinn gets to a point in his life/ spiritual life that he, too, can be thankful for his cleft lip, his pain and even his abandonment, without which, he would not be part of our family.

But until November 4th when we are safely bringing him back home, I'll be a butterfly-y mess!