Saturday, April 2, 2011

Defeating defeat

The past two days have been pretty good. I'm still flying pretty high from the good news on Thursday. I've been feeling great and doing my normal routine. That always feels good. But now it's Saturday and Monday looms near. I'm trying real hard to focus on today and let Monday be Monday. But it's hard. Here's a weird thing. Over the past 8 weeks or so I've suffered from a high number of migraines. I've had migraines on and off over the past 15 years. But it would be like two or three a year. I'll admit, I used to think migraines were for lazy people who just wanted to go lay down. And then I got one. I changed my tune real quick. Mine start with weird spotty vision. Then my face or hands go numb. And then I have this strange memory loss. I can't complete a sentence and I forget words. The first time all of this happened I thought I was having a stroke. In the *old days* all of that would be followed by a crazy bad headache. The past several weeks (perhaps this is God's mercy on my life) I have not had the crazy bad headache. It just seems to resolve itself. But all the other symptoms are odd and distracting enough (not to mention the fear that the blinding headache is coming) to put me out for a few hours. I had one last night when we were out with some friends. So today I've had to battle worrying about *what if* I get another one. I'm praying that I stop from going down the crazy road of "What if I have these weekly for the rest of my life?" or "What if they get worse?" You see, it's always something with me. Steve asked me a good question. He said, "Well, what if you do get one?" Umm... it stinks. But I guess its not the end of the world. He's right. I need to stop worrying about all the ailments that may be around the corner and do this minute when I feel good. Please pray for me. I'm already projecting into the week. The fatigue, the nausea, the depression. But it's not here TODAY. Plus, my Aunt Sherry is coming tomorrow from Arizona to be with us for the week. It is a bright spot in my week. An extra set of hands. Someone just to be with me. It is something to be thankful for and to look forward to. Not to mention the good news that God is choosing to use chemo to eliminate cancer from my body. Lots and Lots to be thankful for. Pray that I will look to those things and not already be defeated before I even begin. I swear, one of these days I'm gonna get it! Why is it not that easy???

5 comments:

jenny from mommin' it up said...

I too have been struggling w/ not celebrating one success long enough, for letting the "what if another success takes longer to come..." trap get me down. I don't know why it's so easy to forget that the Bible tells us not to worry about tomorrow! But it is REAL easy to forget. Love you. Praying this chemo week will go FAST and you will have awesome time being loved on by Aunt Sherry!

Stacie@HobbitDoor said...

I agree with, Jenny, I think we all struggle with this to some degree. It's hard to "just be still and know [He] is God" and not worry about tomorrow (or today for that matter). Your situation just amplifies it. I'll keep praying for you in this. Enjoy your Aunt Sherry!

Marilyn said...

I am so, sooooooo excited for your goooooood report, Elizabeth! Still praying for you as you continue to trust God for every moment of every day!!!

vwiller said...

I am still thrilled about your numbers from last week! I am feeling glad that my gift is not finished so I don't have to worry about shipping you germs from this house...as we chose not even to go to church this week since the man who sits ahead of us is having chemo right now too. I am sending you much love and good thoughts for your day and week!!

Heather Ruetschle said...

I hope today went as well as it could and that's over now. And that Aunt Sherry is there with you. At least you didn't miss out on any good weather today! If you have to sit in the chemo lounge, it might as well be on a day like today! Reminds me of Winnie the Pooh when the tree house is being rocked back and forth! Praying for you.