Monday, April 18, 2011
You never knew I was a gymnast
It's spring break at my house. Although all that really spells for me is more work. Thank goodness for the nanny! Because spring break lands on my *good week* I have more energy and am actually looking forward to squeezing as much as I can out of this week before I head into round 4 next Monday. Speaking of round four, I thought I'd let you in to my psycho little world of mental gymnastics and how I've managed to come up with a formula to make it through the home stretch of chemo. I'm actually a little embarrassed to say that this works for me and if you find some holes to punch in my little scheme, please don't tell me... this is what it keeping me sane until June 13th (the date, that if all continues to go as planned and my immune system holds up, of my final *big* treatment.) Here it goes: So, I have three treatments left. Of those treatments only two more *count* (because I don't really count the last one since... it's the last one. Even if it's really rough, in some ways who cares, 'cuz it's the last one.) So, that means there are really only two left. And since I'm almost to the next one, and that will be done and gone before you know it, I really only have one left. Make sense? Not to mention, I have been blessed that out of my three week cycle, I really only have one rough week. I've been saying I have one *good week* but really, I've ended up each round so far with two actual good weeks because the second Monday of chemo hasn't been too bad. So, if I only end up with one bad week every cycle, then I only have 3 rough weeks out of 11. That's not too bad. I can DO this! I know that all might sound crazy, but let me tell you, it helps a girl out. And at this point, I take what I can get. I have noticed a distinct shift in my thinking. Like even acknowledging that I actually have 2 good weeks. This is the first round I didn't sit around that second week waiting for something bad to happen. Instead, I took life head on and lived it. Now, I've ended up with two very full and fun weeks. I also have begun to embrace the fact that *I don't have cancer.* Since my numbers are back down to NORMAL, I've tried to stop acting like I'm sick. Sure, I might have a slow week because of the chemo in my body, but it's not because of cancer. Thank you, Jesus! Friday I had to go for blood work. I pulled into the hospital parking lot and for the first time didn't want to throw up. I even had the thought, "This is the place I come to to get healed, it's not a place to dread." Let me tell you, that was a thought from God, not my own self. And it felt like freedom. So, there you have it. A peak into my crazy head. Please pray for my immune system to stay strong so that my chemo plan will stay on track and therefore my mental plan to stay on track too. Also pray that this spring break week/Easter week would be a great one for my family.