Friday, September 10, 2010

a make me feel better- letter

Dear mom,
There are a million things I'm dying to talk to you about this week. You loved reading my blog and although I know you are all too busy gazing at the face of Jesus, for me, I needed to write to you and let you know some things.

Olivia went back to school this week. You would have HATED her outfit (it's not really the kind of thing you would have picked out) but you would have LOVED how happy she was to wear it. And you would have loved that she and Raine planned it out. Such a grown up thing to do.

When I picked her up from school today, her teacher paid her a huge compliment. She said that Olivia is doing so well this year and that she is going to be a big help to have around the classroom. Naturally, I was beaming. So proud. We would have laughed and joked about what a waste that counselor was. You would have told me I did the right thing by *breaking up with her.* Mrs. Hatton told me Olivia is a great role model. But we always knew that!

She had school pictures today. I let her pick out her outfit for that too. She did a better job this time! She even practiced smiling this morning. You remember the disaster from last year!

Steve and I decided to paint the downstairs. It's a cool color of gray. It's going to take us forever because we are painting at night and you know that I can't make it much past 10:30. I think you would have sent us a check to get a new table cloth or curtains or something. Better yet, we probably would have hit Target when I come to town. You would have driven the motorized cart and taken out a rack of bras and after you got done cussing, we would have had a good laugh.

Speaking of coming to town, we'll be in tomorrow around 1 (Dad's already asked me what time we'll be in about 5 times. You would be sooooo annoyed!) We won't get there until lunchtime because Olivia has her first dance class in the morning. She's going to try it again. I think she'll love it this time around. She is doing a ballet/tap combo class. Of course she is, because the tap shoes cost extra! We would have re-hashed the story of the time I took tap and was a frog at the recital. I cried the whole time and stole the show. I don't remember exactly, but I do because you told me the story so many times.

We're coming to visit because Aunt Sherry and Tom are headed through. They are done at the cabin already. Can you imagine? It seems like yesterday they were on their way there. And only yesterday that you were expecting them. But you were in the hospital and worried about not being able to get the Lebanese food for them. Thankfully, you were moved to Hospice before they arrived. It was so lovely there. And a nice place to visit. We had a nice week together. The kids ran around, Turner broke a statue and we never did get billed for it.

I can't believe it's been exactly 3 months to the day that I said goodbye to you for the last time. I miss you so much. There is so much I want to share with you. I find myself wandering around my house wondering who to tell. Stories that no one else (not even Steve) would care to hear.

I am comforted by the fact that YOU are not missing a dang thing. You are fulfilled. Complete. Happy. Pain-free. Walking- no- Dancing. You lack nothing. And for that I rejoice today.

I love you, mom. I miss you. O and I pray every night that Jesus will give you a hug and a kiss and a blow kiss. So that's what I ask now. I think that's the kind of thing He wants to do.

Talk to you soon.


Susie said...

Oh geez, now I'm crying.
Really, really sweet E - and I'm glad Olivia is giving her inner ballerina another chance to shine. :)
And PS - I want to hear the stories, and not in a "I feel bad for E because she misses mer mom" kind of way. I'll never be as good of a listener as your mom or as invested in their lives as a BeBe can be, but I do think the stories are always funny/sweet/hilarious, or at least relevant to my own chaotic life.

betseykerr said...

What a great letter. What you and your mom had was really something special. Thanks for sharing.

The Hardy's said...

hey e....thought of you this weekend as you headed up north to be with your dad and aunt! praying it was good to be together as you continue to grieve and celebrate your mom.