I got to the chemo room this morning, they did a blood test... stat (that's hospital talk for fast). Hospital fast and my fast must be different. It took over an hour to find out that I couldn't get my treatment today. There were two numbers we were waiting on. One number was fine. The second needed to be at a 1, it was at a .99. Close but no cigar, or chemo as it were. And because I'm on the study, I can't get chemo until next Monday (they want to keep me on the Mon/Tues schedule.) So, I'll go back in for blood work on Friday. I'm assuming since I'm so close that it should be up by then. But I guess you never know.
I cried. I was disappointed. That pushes everything back by a week. My new ending date (hopefully) will be June 20th instead of June 13th. To you that may seem like no big deal, but to me, it's rather deflating.
Some good things about this... I get a bonus good week this round. I feel good in spite of a low immune system. Another good thing? My last rough week and the anniversary of my mom's death will no longer fall at the same time. Leaving me some emotional resources to deal. Thanks, God!
Honestly, I feel like a failure. I know that is not logical at all. There is nothing I could have done to change my situation. Yet, I feel like a failure. I'm young. I'm strong. I'm healthy. I should be able to do this. Dumb, I know!
Steve's mom was just about to be on the road from Cleveland to join us for the week. Thankfully, we called her right before she hit the road. But the kids are disappointed that Grandma's not coming today. The good thing is, she'll be here next week.
It's hard to be so out of control. I have been so looking forward to getting round 5 rough week in the rear view mirror. I know it will still happen. Just a week later. It's not the end of the world. I know God's plan has not been affected. But mine has; and that is hard.
So, I'll try to do my best and enjoy my week. Do some fun stuff and kick it in the butt next week. Pray for me to keep a good attitude and trust that the Lord was not surprised by this even though we were.