Friday, December 17, 2010

Keep your money, just send fiber

Christmas came early around here yesterday. I got a special little unexpected *gift*. But instead of just spilling the beans, I suppose I owe you a bit of the back drop. (Because why say in three words what I could say in 1,200?)

Monday at the end of the day I wound up on the sofa rather incapacitated. I found that my stomach was a bit *bloated* (I know. You're wondering, "Is nothing too personal for the Internet?" The answer is no.) Since Weight Watchers has switched over to the new points plus system, I've been eating a few more veggies in my day (and yet, I still gain weight... and YES, I'm still on that rant, thankyouverymuch.) so I figured I was experiencing some lingering effects, shall we say. Steve proved himself a loving husband once again by braving the elements and venturing off to the drug store for some Mylanta at 10 pm.

The tablets seemed to help.

Until Wednesday night. I was giving Olivia a shower when that same tightness in my belly returned. And let's just say I don't usually refer to my belly in terms of *tight* on a normal day. I lifted my shirt and looked in the mirror and I most definitely resembled a 5 month pregnant lady. I hope you are reading *not pretty* here. At which point I started to get really worried. I was pretty sure it was some kind of tumor. I began thinking things like, "This is probably going to be my last Christmas with the kids" and "What if I'm hospitalized during the holidays, who will deliver all of those cookies I've been baking?"

You know. The important stuff.

Steve begged me to get up Thursday morning and make an appointment to see the doctor. But you see, I had plans to go to kickboxing, get my hair done and pass out those dang cookies. A visit to the doctor was not on the agenda. But when I woke up yesterday and was still bloated, I figured it was imperative. So after kickboxing and before my hair cut, I went to the doctor.

I no sooner got out the words stomach bloating before my doctor asked me if I was stressed. Well, Sherlock, I've got three little kids, it's Christmas time, I recently recovered from surgery and I lost my mom six months ago. Yes, I might be a touch stressed. He pushed around on my belly, listened to my bowels and declared me: OFFICIALLY AN OLD LADY.

Because now, in addition to a sciatic nerve that flares up and a repaired hernia, I now have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. (IBS if you're in the *innner cirlce*!)

Lovely.

So now I get to drink even more water, keep exercising and take fiber pills. I have to say I was actually giddy over the diagnosis. Since the night before I had myself with a fatal tumor, IBS seemed like a huge upgrade!

Not exactly the gift I was hoping for this year, but I'll take it nonetheless. Merry Chirstmas to me.

3 comments:

jenny said...

Haha! Trust me I've had my fair share of health ailments over the years, and I hate to admit that I'm actually in the "inner circle" on the IBS thing. :) Much better now, but there was a time when I spent a lot of time dealing with lovely stomach issues. Glad you are not going to be hospitalized over Christmas...hang in there.

KTC said...

yes, it just takes a lot of grace to age! Not for the faint-of-heart. D*** that original sin!!!
PS Victor tells me that the "d" word doesn't count as swearing in Spanish because it has a more literal meaning. We'll go with that for today. :)

Tita said...

As I sit here chuckling at your post, you have to trust me that the laughter stems from your comedic writing rather than your belly problems. No matter what medical issues arise, I am glad to see that your sense of humor remains intact :) I hope you have a merry, fiber-filled Christmas!