Wednesday, September 21, 2011

"Dad?" "Yes, it is!"

Just a quick update to let you know that yesterday, Tuesday September 20th, I held my dad's hand as he took his last breath. It was just how he would have wanted it to be, the two of us to the end. I arrived at the hospital at 11 am. Three different times he opened his eyes. He knew I was there. I read Scripture with him a few times through out the day. Each time it looked like he was nestling into his bed to hear a bit better. He didn't say a word yesterday. We held hands most of the day. I told him stories about the kids. Things coming up in our lives. I reminisced about old times. Affirmed him for the man he was and made some inside jokes. I tried to think of all the things I wanted him to hear me say. At 4pm they moved him to the hospice wing of the hospital. At 5:35 he took his last breath with me saying good bye and holding his hand. 5 minutes later one of my best friends, Sarah, walked in the door. God's perfect timing so I didn't have to be alone. I drove back to Dayton last night so I could be with Steve and tell the kids this morning.

I have so many thoughts and emotions that I hope you don't mind me unpacking here in the days and weeks to come. Right now I'm numb. I go between feeling the need to clean and organize my house (? no idea where that is coming from) and then the need to curl up in a heap and cry my eyes out. I found myself saying "I don't think I can do this." I'm not sure what I mean by "this." Its just what my gut is saying. I'm 39 and an orphan. It's a tough pill to swallow. I'm waiting for the comfort of the Lord to swoop in, I know He is here... lots of evidence. More on that to come.

19 comments:

vwiller said...

Oh E. I want to wrap you in such a big hug!! I am so glad my gift is on the way to you, I so hope it gives you just a bit of comfort. I am so glad that you have had the time in the last weeks with your dad, and that you had the last few hours.

Joyce said...

I"m so sorry for your loss and am glad you were able to be with him in those precious hours. I read here sometimes but don't always comment...I will keep you in my prayers. You have had a year.

Anonymous said...

I'm so thankful you were able to be there to give and receive love yesterday. I cannot imagine all the emotions you must be going through....makes me think of Matthew West's song Strong Enough....Praying while you're Home-sick and that God gives you the comfort and peace you need!

Carrie Fulton

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry, Elizabeth. Know you, Steve and the kids are in my thoughts and prayers. I am back in Ohio so let me know if there is anything you need.

Michele Braceros

Stacie@HobbitDoor said...

Praying. Crying with you.

Cindy Q said...

I wept as I read your blog. Death STINKS!

jenny from mommin' it up said...

I am so glad he knew you were there. You were undoubtedly the most precious thing he had here on earth. Praying for you as you go through all this hard, hard, stuff. Unpack away and let us know how we can help bear the burdens. Love you.

The Wellmans said...

I'm so glad you were there yesterday to love and share those thoughts with your dad. I'm also glad to hear that God's timing is perfect with Sarah coming to visit. We love you E and if there is anything you need let us know. Praying for you!

Tracy said...

So so sorry to hear this ...

Gwen Smith said...

Elizabeth,

I am deeply, deeply sorry about your dad. To think that not a word was left unsaid... thank you, LORD, for that beautiful blessing.

Praying that you will experience the peace and presence of God like never before as you grieve this loss and celebrate a life well lived.

In Christ,
Gwen

Rose said...

I am so glad you were able to be with your dad and share memories and the Lord with him. I am sure you were an immense comfort to him. If you need anything while in Toledo, please do not hesitate to ask.

Sara@www.tablegrace.net said...

Thinking of you and praying for peace and the comfort that can only come from the one who love you best. we send our love.

KTC said...

wish I could be with you, friend.... so glad you were with your Dad all day...what a gift to him and to you. You are being incredibly courageous, my friend, facing the reality of pain and death yet again. The Lord is with you! "Everything sad will become untrue."

The Halters said...

Bawling my eyes out as I read your post. I felt like I was reliving the passing of my dad last Sept 19. Cathartic, but it still hurts. It's been a year, but....

So be what you need to be. Ignore when people "should" on you. Everyone has a process they need to go through. You have the advantage of a relationship with Christ and a hope beyond the grave. Doesn't lessen the feeling of the loss....just gives another dimension of meeting again.

You have had a very tough year. Can't just sweep that under the rug. So we will continue to pray and ask God for His balm on your spirit.

love,
Sharon & Bill

Helwig said...

So sorry for this hurt and deep loss, Elizabeth. Praying that the Holy Spirit will swoop in. He will. He will comfort you with that precious memory of you hand in hand with your dad over and over again. Hurting for you,
Rachel

Lisa E. said...

I'm one of those people you don't know, but because I read your blog, feel that I know you. I just want to say that I'm so very sorry for your loss; I will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding..." Hugs from Nebraska...Lisa

Meg said...

E, so sorry to read of your Dad's death. Will be praying for you! Can't imagine all you are going through.

Love you
Meg

Marisa said...

I am so, so sorry. How precious that you were able to spend his last day together. My heart is breaking for you. Praying.

Anonymous said...

Praying for God's promise to be tangible for you today and in the days to come - that he will comfort you, his blessed daughter, as you mourn.

XO
Holly