There is a lot going on right now. Lots to write about. But honestly, the feeling just isn't there. I wouldn't say I'm depressed. I definitely would say I'm busy. Writer's block isn't the correct word either. Overwhelmed? Can that be the cause for not wanting to blog? Overwhelmed in my schedule. In my emotions. Not necessarily in a bad way. Life has just brought a lot my way over the past week or so (or two years, whatever). Some good, some fun, some not so much.
My friend, Susie, heads in to brain surgery tomorrow (Tuesday, Feb. 7th) at 7am. That feels overwhelming to me. Is this how people felt last year for me? It has surfaced some internal battles. How much to do I call? How much to I text? Am I on the *inner circle* (you know what I'm talking about, right?) Insecurities rise. My inner 7th grade girl has been channeled. Vain imaginations. Self-centered ugly. Yep, it's in there. And then I remind myself... Hello! This is not about me, its about my friend. Love. Protect. Guard against the enemy. For me. For her. For her family. Not to mention, my friend is about to be out of commission for a short spell. And quite frankly, I need my friend. To talk to. To laugh at. For her to laugh at me and bring balance and perspective that is unique to her. I have some very incredible friends. I have a group of friends that (in my humble opinion) others should be jealous of. Dare I say, sisters? We will rally around her like they did for me. I have no doubt. I am just sad. Fearful. Angry. Statistically, should I have not taken the hit for our group with my situation last year?
I know the *right* answers. I firmly believe God is in control. I know I dare not question. But that does not stop my emotions from flowing. Nor will it stop my continual prayers and cries out to the Lord on behalf of my friend. Please join me in praying for a successful surgery tomorrow morning. For the health of Susie and her baby. For a benign tumor. For this to be a blip on the screen. For me as I try to get past myself and my ugly and be there for my friends.