Wednesday, December 7, 2011

It's already full

I have just a few minutes before I have to run with the boys to pick Olivia up from school. It's been a full week already and it's only Wednesday. A few highlights include, Eggnog tea. I found it at Dorothy Lane Market. The brand is Bigelow tea and with a splash of milk, it actually tastes a bit like eggnog. Which is a positive for me. If you don't like eggnog, it would not be a positive for you!
I bought and read the book, Heaven Is for Real by Todd Burpo. It was an interesting read. If you haven't heard about it, its the true story of a boy who nearly died when he was almost 4 years old. The book is the account of his illness and his reports on heaven, Jesus and others he met while in heaven. I'm a skeptic at heart, but the book has allowed me to venture down the what could be road. I gained some encouragement from it. Including a thought I believe came from the Lord yesterday. "Death is NOT a punishment." Its the first time since my mom died, my cancer and my dad's death that I have not viewed death as a punishment. (Not so much for me, personally, but more so those left behind.) It was a freeing thought.
I met with a grief counselor for the first time today. She works with Hospice of Dayton. It was only an hour, but it was very helpful. There were several helpful things, one of which, really hit home. She mentioned that much of my earthly *safety* had been taken away. Two loving parents and my health. She made it seem very normal that without those safety nets, I would be experiencing the emotions I have been experiencing.
She also asked what I thought about going on an anti-depressant. What she didn't know was that I had been on them and went off 3 weeks before my dad died. I have been praying about going back on them since my doctor's appointment last Thursday and asked the Lord to help me know through this appointment if that was something I should do.
As she mentioned how she thought going back on them could be helpful to me at this time, she commented on the wave of relief she saw go over me. Weird. (I know some of you may have personal opinions on anti-depressants. This is a bit of a hard and emotionally charged subject for me and would respectfully ask all negative comments to be kept from here. Thank you.)
I am sincerely sensing God intimately involved in my mind and in my spirit this week. I am thankful for prayers and words of encouragement from you. I am thankful for help available. Since it's only mid -week it will be interesting to see what else the week has in store. Gotta run now, Olivia awaits.


jenny from mommin' it up said...

very cool that the counseling was a good experience! I'm so glad. As for the A-D, I remember thinking when you went off them, that was brave b/c I myself would have needed them through the holidays, at least, I think. They were so helpful to me three years ago and if I ever get to where I was again, I'll definitely take them again. I mean just think, grief aside, what kind of kooky hormonal stuff is still going on in you from your hysterectomy. Fight chemistry with chemistry AND Christ! love you.

victoria said...

I am so glad you saw the grief counselor. I hope you make a choice about the A-D that is the right one for you. I think they are wonderful for the people that need them....and I agree with Jenny as well!

The Halters said...

i'm so glad the appointment went well. when you can hear from someone who has experience and shares objectively with you, it is a relief. that is a great point, that you have had a major amount of safety removed from your life. sounds like the counselor's a good 'add.' anti-depressants are incredible helps when you find the right one and right duration for you. they helped me for several years. when i was ready, i believe God provided the way to reduce their use to nothing. that judgement though is up to you and your doc. we don't reject the use of other medications that help us maintain functions...i don't see the need to subdivide anti-depressants into some other ‘rule.’ some meds we stay on for short bursts; some for long periods. you’ll do what’s good because you are seeking God’s input as well. blessings and peace be upon you as you walk the journey before you.

KTC said...

I know a myriad of folks (whom I love and respect) on anti depressants for much lesser things!! Go for it!! :)

Jenni Lillie said...

As our pastor would say...people, prayer, and pills. :) So glad you were able to talk with someone. Thinking of you and praying for you.